southern_x's Journal

1:34pm: What's in a name? (True sh*t)
Long but good

The Men's Names – (scroll down for the women’s names)

Aaron - ugly but hung like a horse, prone to belly button fluff.
Able - totally useless.
Adam - not very bright but very pretty, has almost mastered hygiene.
Adrian - usually short and very horny, watches cartoons.
Alan - shy but sensitive, gets screwed over by women.
Alex - cute and tall but a liar and a cheat.
Alistair - likes being tied up, and really enjoys playing with train sets
Amir - dirty, smelly, pecker is minuscule. Bad diet.
Andrew - Highly intelligent and wears a kilt. Poor standards of hygiene. Homicidal tendencies.
Antonio - has a great body and beautiful skin, and chicken brain. Looks in the mirror too much.
Anthony - great guy and kind to all girls, smells of wee.
Arnold - loser.
Arthur - hung like a slave and celibate.
Avenir - reads too many fantasy books, wears armour to bed.
Baron - Reads SAS books, wants to go out and shoot something or somebody.
Barry - lights fires, pinches girl’s bottoms and is well hung.
Barnaby - very big, very strong and very gentle, cries a lot.
Ben - funny and can be real difficult to beat at games.
Bill - thinks he's really popular, thinks all the girls want him ...he's wrong.
Bob - quiet and unpopular, eats with his hands.
Brad - short and squat, has bad breath.
Braden - Drop out and doesn't care, will set record for longest employee at McDonalds.
Brandon - good looking but uses girls. Not very academic.
Brendan - quiet and sweet, gets beaten up all the time.
Brett - worldwide slut and really insensitive, women love him.
Brian - mean and only thinks of himself, he's just a very naughty boy.
Bryan - sexy, but stupid - can't spell.
Bronsen - annoying and never grows up - has a stupid name.
Bruce - stinks bad and thinks everyone else's name is also Bruce.
Bryce - fun to be with and will make you laugh, you'll kill him within a week.
Callum - tall and geeky, very defensive.
Calvin - immature in a naive way, drives a Gemini.
Cameron - Australian. Big muscles.
Carl - horny. bastard, who can't sing.
Carlo - dark and brooding, for some unknown reason girls seem to like him!
Carson - fun to be around and really sensitive.
Chad - cute, sensitive and very studly - only found in American movies, no real person has that name.
Charles - can't trust him, eyes too close together.
Chifro - likes fast food, particularly White Castle. drives an '84 Geo. more likely than not an immigrant.
Chris - can't pull, will pay for women, but has a huge pecker and can use it too.
Christian - Gay but very sexy and seductive.
Clark - hilarious and always in trouble, problem with 'jailbait'.
Cliff - very sweet and adores girls, but very superficial.
Clive - trainspotter ... dull as ditchwater.
Cole - nice, funny, and very stupid.
Colin - lies to women and blows up public buildings.
Cory - funny but ugly, ends up running fashion magazines.
Craig - tries to fit in - he never does.
Crispin - Ugly homosexual. Fancies himself. Successful
Curtis - needs constant mothering and reassurance.
Damien - spawn of the devil, but in a good way.
Damon - total loser in a sweaty sort of way.
Dan - quiet but funny, but becomes easily addicted to narcotics.
Danny - Wears stylish clothes and has silky women’s underwear beneath them.
Dane - weird but can hold together a conversation with a mermaid.
Daniel - enjoys root vegetables in every orifice.
Darren - charming , but sleeps with men.
Darwyn - exercises too much, favourite word is Darwyn - pompous and
overbearing, likes using big words that only he understands.
David - Sensible and works out a lot, loves girls named Florence.
Dave - extremely sexy, always funny, intelligent, stylish, trendsetter i.e. a wanker.
Dean - full of himself and thinks with his dick.
Dele - well endowed likes blondes. Looks in the mirror too much
Dennis - either very nice to girls or a faggot.
Derek - has a great sense of humour, and a blow-up doll collection.
Dillon - Stupid but well-built, women just use him for sex.
Dominic - hilarious and will do anything to please anybody.
Don - dickhead, nobody likes him.
Doug - has a greasy face, drinking problem and farts.
Drew - bad-arse loser who never shuts up.
Duncan - hopeless ski bum, brains shot away long ago.
Dylan - thinks he's funny, falls asleep during sex.
Dwayne - cool guy to be around if you can handle his name.
Eddie - wants too many chicks he'll never get cos he's an arsehole.
Elis - would rather make model aeroplanes than have sex.
Elliott - full of himself.
Eric - shy and timid like a little mouse.
Evan - a little slow but sweet, sexy, and a model mental patient.
Finn - Completely indecisive, suffers terribly with Catholic guilt.
Frank - single helix DNA and it shows.
Fraser - sucks pigs dicks & swallows the lot.
Frederick/Fred/Freddie - wants to rule the world. Loves women
Fritz - Loves playing games. Never wins.
Gareth - sweet but dresses too good to be straight. Can't play rugby.
Gary - drug addict but willing to share.
Garry - forever fiddling with himself and wonders why no-one will shake hands.
Gavin - likes bondage, S&M with other men.
Geoff - prefers golf to sex and war to peace.
George - barman who drinks more than he serves.
Gerry - quiet and insecure, a doormat.
Gilbert - Morris dancer, collects antique sweet wrappers.
Glen - the sweetest guy - really down to earth. good teacher. crap in bed.
Gordon - big bloke in a dirty raincoat, kinda flashy.
Greame - very hard to understand, likes group sex.
Graham - will screw anything.
Grahame - thinks he's better than other Grahams because he has an extra 'e'.
Grant - Short and ugly! but so sweet and you can talk to him about anything.
Greg - really sweet and feels suicidally sorry for himself.
Harry - Good at sport. Women love him. Blokes hate him.
Harvey - cute, but addicted to sex and/or drugs.
Haydn - tries hard, succeeds rarely.
Heinz - Likes variety in his life. in his fifties. Overweight.
Henry - dull, dull, dull, dull ... likes trains and tweed jackets, probably a science teacher.
Howard - likes small-breasted women and pornography.
Howell - sings too much.
Ian - likes to stuff animals and dress up in women's clothing.
Ivor - militant psychopath with homosexual tendencies.
Izzy - circumcised, but they threw away the wrong bit.
Jake - shy and sweet but a slut when drunk.
Jamie - Devious scum of the earth.
James - can't handle his beer, smells of mayonnaise and does wet farts.
Jarrod - Arrogant, stuck-up, pompous and annoying. Loves himself totally
and has lots of mirrors.
Jason - Gayer than a pink fairy winning a trophy at the gayest pink fairy competition.
Jay - very sweet when you get to know him well. which is a problem because
he has bad breath.
Jeff - really ugly.
Jerome - gay, but very unhappy.
Jeremy - loud and thinks that he's all that he says he is.
Jesse - unpopular and needs to move on.
Jack - stupid but hot.
Jim - sweet, has fantasies of love and affection but wanks too much.
Jimmy - Goes to the toilet twice a night, doesn't always get up for it.
Joe - built like a bear, sexy but tends to lose his head. Bisexual
Joel - arse.
John - has few friends and no life - tends to kill small animals.
Jon - Not too bright will end up married to a cousin.
Jolyon - absolute raving homosexual.
Jonathon - think he's good - he's shit. Looks in the mirror too much.
Jordan - sexy but weird in bed. Hung like a wildebeest.
Jose - hot boy with a love of hermaphrodites.
Josh - full of himself, fun.
Julian - used to be a wooden boy, but is now almost real with a big nose.
Junior - Not very clever, but good at football.
Justin - aggravating but lovable, insecure but successful and overweight.
Kain - one of the sexiest guys alive but very stuck up.
Keegan - always has a bit of his last meal displayed on his clothes.
Kev - lager lout, wears cheap and loud clothes.
Kevin - always attracts really fit girlfriends and then loses them when they see his dick!
Keith - good person to talk to when you have a problem - his is worse.
Kenneth - very, very...anything you want him to be.
Kerry - wants to be in a boy band but he's not pretty enough.
Kirk - good looking, worries that he might be gay.
Kurt - can kick anyone's arse.
Kyle - hornball who eats too many cornchips.
Larry - cute but wannabe player with big arse.
Laurey - short and funny looking.
Lee - girl dressed up as a boy, total arse bandit.
Levi - same as Lee only not so pretty.
Lewis - lonely, sad git, bit of a tosser. Welsh
Liam - loud mouthed arsehole.
Lorenzo - fine and dresses in stolen gold.
Lucas - fat loser that dates other men.
Luke - seems to be sweet.
Madison - so far up his own arse there's no room for his boyfriend.
Malcolm - tall man who tends to lose his trousers. And is gay!!!
Mark - Good looking and very clever. Every woman would if she could.
Marshall - Never seems to age, this is because he is in fact an android!
Martin - Stud. Loves himself. would make a good lawyer.
Matt - the fat boy of the class, likes sweets and is full of shit.
Matty - Life and soul of the party, could get a corpse dancing.
Menno - built like a horse. Only does it doggy.
Michael - very good looking but he'll do anything for a girl. Doesn't like
to work too hard. Sexual deviant
Mick - always drunk, tendency for drug abuse.
Mintesh - boy racer, the arsehole who drives with the stereo too loud and
the windows down even though it's cold!
Mitchell - big bloke, sweats a lot, usually pure alcohol.
Mohammed - small penis, but still really enjoys playing with it.
Nathan - stupid as hell, and tends to make others feel dumb.
Nick - inbred - can't get past the missionary position though.
Neil - sweet and will do anything in this world for you, great in bed but
only on his own.
Noel - only goes out with girls so that he can steal their clothes.
Oliver - likes men but is in denial.
Oscar - complete loser, hated by his parents.
Owen - cute gay guy who is immature, and sings Welsh songs.
Patrick - drunk, drunk, drunk.
Paul - cool, calm and handsome, a quality only found in gays.
Peter - Likes sheep more than girls, will probably end up married to a relative.
Phillip - homophobic, image conscious twat, likes to fuck poodles.
Ramsey - thinks he's posh but is actually a knob.
Raymond - doesn't like to be called Ray because it sounds too 'straight'.
Richard - can't see his feet as balls are too big
Ricky - ugly shithead who everybody hates.
Rikki - see above, but can't even spell.
Rob - constantly watches porn.
Robin - Ugly and not very bright, probably a teacher.
Rod - acts like a wanker when drunk ... Permanently drunk!
Rory - men are only nice to him so they can talk to his sister.
Roy - total loser and computer genius.
Rupert - arrogant twat who is crap in bed but thinks he is a stud.
Russell - likes to play in the leaves which makes him an arsehole. Pantomime dame
Ryan - short and stout, but popular.
Sam - wannabe sex machine.
Sandeep - complete anorak, owns a metal detector.
Sean - thinks he's James Bond, in reality a dipstick.
Scott - has serious disabilities. likes winter sports
Sean - has small deformed testicles and no friends.
Seth - so sweet to other people but is a traitor.
Shane - cute gay guy who is immature, and sings Welsh songs.
Shannon - like the, river wet and full of shit.
Shaun - bit of a hard bastard, thinks women love him.
Simon - likes a night out with the lads and curries. Talks bollocks.
Sonny - thinks he's tough and proves it with young girls and boys.
Spencer - thinks everybody wants to shag him - he's a virgin
Steve - popular and funny when looked at side-on.
Stuart - loves it right up there, normally with a toilet roll and a hamster
Taylor - Gay, gay, gay, gay ....
Terry - small and wiry with a nasty temper.
Tim - hot but a bit strange, can never tell where he is.
Toby - best blow ever.
Tom - cool but can be very arrogant.
Tomas - part-druid, likes to dance round things naked.
Tony - hot, sweet, and totally fun to be around. tendency to megalomania
Travis - fat and horny with the best XXX collection to be found.
Trevor - sweet and funny but sometimes untrustworthy.
Troy - cute and popular.
Tyrone - Big bloke with a gay moustache, but nobody dares tell him.
Ty - small and kind of shrivelled.
Var - adventurous type, can't sit quietly and so is very annoying.
Wade - huge bloke, people jog round him and have to stop halfway for a rest.
Walter - Rich, but with no taste in anything, so the money is a bit of a waste.
Wasim - Good at sport. Likes bondage. Intelligent.
Warren - cool, homosexual guy. Picks his nose a lot.
Wesley - great guy and easy to not notice.
Will - wishes he were popular.
William - not very tall, but ultra-cool.
Zach - sweet and polite and twisted.
Zahid - devious and sly. Not to be trusted.*

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The Women's Names

Abby - agony aunt, always willing to explain about your confused sexuality.
Ada - blue haired, smells of wee.
Adie - quiet and shy, but when you get to know her .. quiet and shy.
Aileen - laughs like a demented dog. likes tic tacs.
Alana - pretty and popular, but with very dark secrets.
Alexandra - popular but very loud, sometimes forgets to bathe.
Alice - likes horses but looks like Kermit's girlfriend.
Alicia - pretty and knows it, watches herself go by in shop windows.
Alison - bra and pants are the same garment, looks better with the light off.
Alyssa - wants to be 'exotic', but only manages to be 'strange'.
Amanda - I.Q. smaller than her bra size, a good shag, but she does practice a lot.
Amber - stereotypical exotic dancer, not too bright but very flexible.
Amy - Devious, Likes being on top, never stays the night - Not to be trusted. Likes any man not wearing trousers
Anastasia - overly-loud, wears clothes 2 sizes too small.
Andrea - Small breasts, small arse, drinks pints and plays a mean game of pool.
Andrina - dark and sultry, pretends she's a Russian spy.
Angela - Vain, Hair style more important than oxygen. Usually found hanging around toilets.
Anita - Beautiful girl with perfect hair and a body to die for.
Annabelle - Doesn't wear knickers.
Annette - She's BIG, like really BIG!!.
Anne - Looks like a horse, can't drive.
Anne-Marie - Gorgeous and with a great taste in blokes, has perfectly
formed breasts Annie - Drinks too much, always wakes up next to ugly guys.
Ashlee - Dyslexic and spends all day thinking about secs.
Aurora - Beautiful and sexy, every mans dream ,but sadly swings the other way.
Azaria - Beautiful and exotic with the brain power of an orchid.
Barbara - Shags like a rabbit, not fussy about appearance. Wears a lot of make up
Bea - Beautiful, sexy, original, but nearly impossible to satisfy in bed.
Becky - one of the boys, knows about football and cars, unusually tall.
Belinda - Pleasing on the eye, usually has a couple of good points.
Beryl - Repressed alcoholic.
Beth - Empty headed, big breasted, and easy.
Bettina - Dominatrix.
Beverley - Trapped in an eighties time warp.
Bianca - Ginger. big mouth.
Birgit - big scary woman, likes small blokes she can intimidate.
Bridgette - Eats pizzas all day, smokes cigars.
Britney - Falsely improved, no use to society.
Cait - Bow-legged country girl, really loves her horses.
Camilla - replaces the word 'yes' with 'ya'.
Cara - lazy girl, eats too much junk-food and yet doesn't get fat - annoying.
Carie - just like the movie, a scary freak.
Carina - Looks like the back of a bus, doesn't swallow.
Carla - Down to earth with good child-bearing hips.
Carly - Party animal until she gets too drunk to stand up.
Carol - Bubbly, life and soul of the party and the bedroom.
Caroline - Lard arse, shaves her ears, picks her nose and shops at Oxfam.
Catherine - Attracted to the older man, needs ironing.
Celine - Emits hideous noises, waste of DNA.
Charlotte - Enjoys tea and cake, farts the national anthem.
Chaz - life and soul of the party, plays the piano and then strips to her own music.
Cheryl - Can fit hand in mouth, eats glass.
Chloe - Usually a weather-girl or a failed wannabe weather-girl.
Christine - Likes men in uniform, never warm.
Christina - Drop dead gorgeous and with a different bloke each night, well practiced.
Ciji - strange girl, sleeps with a vibrating teddy-bear.
Claire/Clare/Clair - Usually neurotic, gives good head but can have lesbian tendencies.
Courtney - Bit of a 'tomboy', rolls her own tampons.
Daisy - Virgin, works on a farm because she likes the way the tractor vibrates.
Danni - Should make nice threesome with sibling.
Davina - drug induced mental damage, should shave her neck.
Dawn - Gets up early, smells of chips.
Debra/Debby - Porn star.
Deborah - Bites the pillow, uses both hands.
Dee - Enormous mouth, gets a lot of work in porn movies.
DeeDee - cannot understand why no-one else masturbates in Ikea.
Denise - Sits on cats eyes, wears too much make up.
Di - Enjoys receiving oral sex, but doesn't like giving it.
Diana - Cuddly, which is a shame because she smells like cheese.
Diane - Enjoys company of animals. Deep as a puddle.
Donna - 70's throw back, likes cabbage.
Dorthe - smells of herrings, obsessed with over-sized sex toys.
Elaine - Rides side saddle, drinks meths. average breasts.. likes sharp edges.
Eleanor - Very posh, always washing her hands, but likes her sex dirty.
Elizabeth - Born to perform, hates chickens.
Ella - Fiery temper, but when she's not shouting she's as cute as a kitten.
Ellie - Far too attractive for the swear words that come out of her mouth.
Ellen - Could well have eaten all the pies.
Elma - Shy, easily dominated by men.
Elsa - Kind of old fashioned, but with beautiful big hair.
Emily - Wears odd socks, can have lesbian tendencies.
Emma - Gullible and easily swayed by a good looker!
Erminia - Small and graceful, slightly psychotic.
Estelle - Likes wombles, eats grass.
Esther - Plump with sagging breasts, normally heavily tattooed.
Eve - Shy timid creature until she has a drink, then she becomes very loud.
Evonne - Much happier now that the sex change operation was a success.
Faith - Legs meet at knees, can't shag standing up.
Faye - Wears wellies, can't swim.
Felicity - One of the boys .. except that she has the most enormous nipples.
Fern - Posh with a large mouth, can hold a conversation whilst giving head.
Fiona - Female mud wrestler, badly needs a shave.
Fiyza - Very sexy, she knows it and she flaunts it
Francess - A lovely lady even if she is as common as muck!
Frankie - Wears leather underwear, if it's quiet you can hear her buzzing.
Gabriel - An arse to die for but pads her bra with tissues.
Gail - Farts a lot, drinks Guinness.
Gayleen - Big tall woman who talks shite all day.
Gaynor - Wanna-be Lesbian who can't pull the girls.
Gemma - Talks too much, even during sex, even during oral sex!
Geraldine - Too posh for her own good, likes flying.
Gillian - Dyes her hair green, likes clubbing.
Gina - Eternal mother, eats nappies.
Glenda - Eats children, hates smoking.
Georgia - Loves her cakes, would rather have gateau than sex.
Georgina - Wants to be a man.
Grace - petite and pretty, fucks like a rabbit.
Grainne - Giggles excessively, sometimes wets herself.
Gwyneth - Blubs a lot, wees in the bath.
Hannah - Needs to be naked at all times, eats kebabs.
Harriet - Wears tweed and green wellies to the pub.
Hayley - Pretty, likes fast cars and slow men.
Heather - Shags like a freight train, bit of a screamer.
Helen - Hangs around with the wrong crowd, Kinky in bed, loves porn and is totally neurotic.
Helena - Likes to be in charge, wears a lot of black rubber.
Heidi - The hills are alive with the sound of music, likes gherkins, hates Nazis.
Hilary - Frigid.
Holly - Prickly to the touch, seasonal shagmeister.
Imogen - Drinks tequila from the bottle, wets the bed.
Ingrid - Right wing Nazi tendencies, never smiles.
Isobel - Motorbike gang leader, sells guns for pocket money.
Jackie - Heroin addict, sold her child.
Jade - I once had a Jade, but hasn't everybody??
Jalaine - Strange, introverted girl, secretly into plastic model aeroplanes.
Janet - Massive over bite, no neck.
Jane - She's hot and she knows it, a prick-teaser.
Janice - Loud and over-the-top, tends to talk with her hands.
Jarla - Kinda like a female Ali-G only not as funny.
Jasmin - Smells of sewers, eats the heads off rats.
Jean - hangs around with old blokes and let's them buy her stuff.
Jemma - Does anal, wears too much eye make-up.
Jenni - bone idle hence the tendency to shorten long words.
Jennifer - Huge breasts, should shave her legs more often.
Jessica - Always shags on the first date and sometimes even before it.
Joanna - Moans in her sleep, moans when she wakes up, can't cook.
Jo - Bisexual and proud of it.
Joelle - Lively, exciting, jolly and fun ... sometimes too much so!
Josephine - Likes to be tied up and teased.
Jody - Dresses like a boy and eats live frogs for breakfast.
Joyce - Never stops talking ... for God's sake shut up woman!
Judith - Big eyes, big tits, big problem with balance.
Judy - Huge tits, married to a retard.
Julia - Innocent face, don't trust her, she'll steal your wallet in five minutes
Juliet - Eats too many chips, has greasy hair and a hairy arse.
Justine - Massive tits, likes hanging around men's toilets.
Julie - Likes outdoor sex, preferably with a chance of getting caught.
Kacie - cute and adorable, but prone to sulking.
Karen - Huge tits, shags like a rabbit.
Kate - kisses with her tongue and can hold a conversation whilst doing it.
Katherine - old-fashioned girl, giggles when anyone mentions naughty words.
Katey - Tom boy, likes her sex dirty, usually outdoors.
Katie - likes blokes and team sports, preferably both together.
Kayleigh - The Lara Croft of Essex, great in bed (practice makes perfect)
Keira - person most likely to start a cult, related to Stalin.
Kelly - smells of cheese, slobbers when kissing.
Kelley - not very bright, can't spell Kelly.
Kelsey - Very clever, wears glasses, boys scare her.
Kerran - tries to be mysterious, but everyone has been there.
Kerry - pretty, cute, and changes underwear once a week.
Kiersten - very sexy to look at, hard to please in bed.
Kimberley - wants to be a bloke, drinks like a bloke, farts like a bloke, wears a wig.
Kirsty - Eats live moles, can't dance.
Krista - Cool and pretty, tends to daydream all day and sleepwalk all night.
Kristy - Shy until she gets drunk, prone to spots.
Kristen - Emotionally stunted, thinks Robot-Wars is cruel and should be banned.
Kylie - Can't sing but who cares ... lovely arse.
Lana - Hated by her parents, accidental pregnancy.
Lara - Action packed, never seen naked.
Laura - Likes Max power magazine, can't drive. Dominatrix
Lauren – Pert breasts, seldom ventures out at night.
Leah - Likes outdoor sex, wees standing up.
Leanne - eats a lot of raw meat, most guys are scared of her.
Lena - Eats food then throws up, rapidly shrinking.
Leonie - Tall girl who likes short boys, it's a power thing.
Leslie - Likes bondage, hates men.
Leyla - Hot and horny, the girl that always will.
Lily - Makes a good friend, doesn't take crap from anyone.
Linda - Teenage bride can swallow oranges whole.
Lindsey - Likes doggy style, doesn't do housework.
Lisa - Will take all your money and run, gets turned on by porn.
Liz - Long legged and brainy.
Lizbeth - Sensible and serious, can talk without moving her lips.
Lorraine - Constantly whinges, will strip for a packet of jellybabies
Lorrie - Named after the vehicle she weighs the same as.
Louise/a - Likes to get around, fantastic breasts.
Luci - cute and loveable
Lucy - Strange dancer, wants to marry her dad.
Lynn - Funny and sexy, everything a bloke wants in a woman.
Lynnette - Has the attention span of a budgerigar, likes pretty things.
Madeline - Drives like a bloke, likes tractors.
Madusa - Really likes men, preferably grilled with a side salad.
Maggie - Trainspotter, likes plaid.
Mairi - Quiet and shy but incredibly clever, secretly planning to take over the world.
Mandy - Cute and cuddly, thick as a short plank.
Margaret - Lovely mother, very generous.
Maria - Bangs like a barn door.
Marie - Life sapping dominatrix. Likes men to do DIY.
Marina - No get up and go, rusty underwear.
Marion - stuffs her bra with tissue, a bit cross-eyed.
Marolyn - Eats like a horse, out stays her welcome.
Martina - Ugly lesbian.
Martine - Can't act, can't sing, nice tits.
Mary - Likes men with long tongues and talented fingers.
Matilda - Likes dancing, mainly the waltz.
Mavis - seems nice until you notice the black cat, broomstick and pointed hat.
Meg - Cheesy smell, should be spelt with an S.
Meghan - Cold, hard-hearted bitch, enjoys upsetting little children.
Melanie - Can hold 2 bar vacuum orally indefinitely.
Melinda - Trailer trash ... pretty, plump, and infected.
Melissa - Eats dogs, has been in prison 6 times for burglary.
Meryl - Dances like an ape, doesn't realise.
Michaela - Likes animals, should make a video with them.
Michelle - Wears white stilettos, dances round her handbag.
Marsha - Big butt, small brain.
Molly - Pretty and naive, would like to be slimmer, wears clothes with too many flowers.
Monica - Doesn't swallow, should have.
Nadine - Stunt Lady, can drink any bloke under the table! Don't mess with her.
Naomi - Wannabe diva, more of a diver.
Nancy - White hair, remembers tanners.
Narelle - Likes dressing up as a French maid but not French.
Natalie - Eats with her mouth open, farts the Nokia phone tune.
Natasha - Had seven kids before age 17, needs ironing.
Nell - Hasn't realised WWII has ended, lives in Kent.
Niamh - Quiet and cute, secretly wears mens under-wear.
Nicci - Pretty, blonde, nicely dressed and vacant.
Nichola - quiet, studious type, wears glasses, a tiger in bed.
Nicola - Slapper, alcoholic in denial.
Nicole - small sweet and with nice hair, should wear underwear more often.
Niki - wannabe mysterious spy but not bright enough.
Nina - Stuffs her bra with tissues, been single for years.
Nissa - speach impediment causes her to hiss, fond of reptiles.
Olga - You can park a bike in her arse crack, excessive facial hair.
Olive - usually accompanied by a couple of people in white coats.
Olivia - Gorgeous and knows it, has to sew herself into her trousers..
Olwyn - stupid name, welsh, just unlucky I guess.
Pamela - Gives amazing head, made of plastic.
Patricia - Obsessive about appearances, yet denies that she's shallow.
Pat - short and common, one of the lads and a bit of a laff.
Paula - Transvestite merchant banker from Basildon.
Pauline – Pug ugly, can’t get laid because of lard arse, prefers DIY.
Peggy - Wears outdated clothes and will only do missionary position.
Penelope - Pitstop queen, likes her men to be stiff.
Peta - Rough and tough, seriously into bondage.
Phillippa - Forest forager, likes wild boar.
Phyliss - Thinks sex is dirty, always washing her hands.
Polly - nice girl with really bad dress-sense, fashion disaster, it's a shame.
Priscilla - likes painting with oils, Duckhams mainly.
Preya - can't cook or clean but good in bed.
Prudence - sensible girl, wears flat shoes, but will shag anything in trousers.
Rachel - Amazing gravity defying breasts, can grip a tenner in her arsecheeks.
Rebecca - Hairy armpits, orgasms without contact.
Rebekah - Not very bright, pretty, but sometimes forgets to bathe.
Renee - Huge breasts, but wishes blokes would notice her mind.
Romany - Wild and beautiful, swings both ways.
Rosalind - Upper-class lady but works as a secret agent when the government needs her.
Rose - Can be prickly, gives good head.
Rosemary - Very shy, nearly always seen with a bright red face.
Roz - Only enjoys sex when she's tied up and spanked first.
Rula - She measures up well.
Ruth - Has stretch marks around her mouth.
Sadie - Stand up if you're slim, please stand up.
Sally - Drives a Mustang, fights in pubs.
Samantha - Loves her brother, has 4 deformed children.
Sandra - Shags donkeys for fun, bow legged.
Sara - Air-head, with a gorgeous body to compensate.
Sarah - intelligent, funny and very talented when it comes to the naughty stuff.
Sarah-Jane - 'posh' girl, will screw anything in a BMW.
Sasha – Looks dreadful the morning after. Smokes cigars
Selina - Doesn't wear pants, heavy laundry bills.
Shannon - Beautiful, curvaceous, should be a model.
Sharon - The original bitch queen, uses everyone she meets.
Shauna - Lives in a trailer, has 16 kids each with a different surname.
Shelly - very cute, but a bit of a soft-hearted slapper.
Sheree - Cute, but very loud! desperately needs a volume control.
Shirley - Can swallow a Curly Whirly whole, likes bananas.
Shona - Librarian by day, exotic dancer by night.
Sinead - Wears big knickers and a vest, but is secretly very sexual.
Sian - Does mean sheep impression, hates mint sauce.
Silka - Appears shy, but secretly Miss Whiplash the dominatrix.
Silke - Only ever has sex outdoors near her favourite tree.
Simone - Used to be a shotputter from Cardiff.
Sonya – intelligent, funny and very talented when it comes to the naughty stuff.
Sophia - Beautiful girl with long legs, a shame her arse is the size of a small country.
Sophie - Brothel manager because she's too ugly to be a working girl.
Stacy - Likes cut off jeans and arseless Speedo's.
Steffi - Closet lesbian, maintains heterosexual relationship for effect.
Stella - reassuringly expensive, she's worth every penny!
Stephanie - Eats Muppets, wears Brogues.
Sue/Susanne - should shave more often, wears Denim aftershave. Very fertile.
Summer - wears flowers in her hair, a pretty dress, and no knickers.
Sylvia - loves the outdoors. Mad.
Tammy - Kind-hearted and generous, particularly in the bedroom.
Tanya - Hot minx, too short.
Tara - Upper class slapper, enjoys ranom chemicals.
Teresa - surprisingly small given the amount of alcohol she drinks.
Tina - Face like a smacked arse, should eat less.
Tori - Lives in a hedge, can't water ski.
Tracy - Easily swayed by alcohol. Mostly seen without underwear. Loves kittens.
Tracey - Lesbian.
Ursula - Likes puppies,usually in a hot curry.
Val - usually drunk, doesn't know where her knickers are.
Valerie - quaint and old-fashioned, someones aunt.
Vanessa - Beautiful, power-crazy bitch.
Veronica - closet lesbian who sleeps around to prove she isn't!
Vicki - Likes Yoga. And Women.
Vikki - Drinks anything so long as it's got vodka in it.
Wendy - Possibly a man.
Zakia - Wants to be a spy when she grows up, but needs to wash more often.
Zoe - Talent ess rock chick. Prepared to use sex as a weapon

10:59am: :(
Sigh...it's payday and after paying back my overdraft, driving lessons, and phone bill..I'm left with a measley £80 for the month. :( Well if this isn't my worst month ever financially I don't know what is

10:17pm: Feeling low....
How have I gone from being the most well paid guy in the group to the broke bitch in such a short time. Since Mike left (last month) I haven't even had one minutes worth of overtime. Matter of fact, I even had to miss one of my wednesday shifts. Make that two wednesdays, coz my new manager has now cut my wednesday hours completly, and refuses to let me work next Wednesday to finish the monthly cycle..He's basically told me there'll be no more overtime given, and on top of that he's cut my normal hours. I was barely surviving on my overtime, what with everything going on these holidays, my phone bills, insurance, driving lessons...For fucks sake after I take away my driving lesson money and phone bill next month I'm left with just £80!!! And with that I still got to pay for presents for Cameron and Kirby and whatever thing their doing for their party. For fucks sake I've got £20 left for 10 days, which means I'ma have to use my dreaded overdraft, which means I'll have to pay that back next month somehow and be on the same damn slippery slope to debt as Cameron. FUCK! I hate work right now...I really do...N I hate this feeling...When I first started working I promised myself I'd never reach the point where I was feeling like I've been all my life, broke and poor, and that's exactly how I feel now. All my mates are bringing in £550-£600 paychecks, which is what I was bringing in for the last two months. But now I'll be bringing in a measley £250, so I won't be able to go out with anybody anymore. I hate my financial state...I feel...so low

8:58am: Full panic mode
Ahh...My first driving leson is in two hours...I'm so nervous it's making me phyically ill..I'm scared my lesson is gonna go by with me still unable to even move the car two feet forwards, as after The Isle of Wight, the accelerator pedal scares me to death and I don't wanna use it lol. I been frantically brushing up on my highway code (still only read half of it need to cram more this morning) but none of what I have read has stuck, so I am in full panic mode now. Well...I spose theres no point worrying bout it, too much too do. I gotta finish getting ready, go to the bank to withdraw my lesson charge, come home and cram my highway code and notes I made whilst driving in Kirby's and Lisa's car, ring Tery to confirm my lesson time and give clearer directions on how to get to my house (king George car park due to it's size was such a vague location) and then I needs to just chill and calm down. I will let y'all know how it goes later, wish me luck

12:22pm: Final Words
The diss is up

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=181804

Peep that shit to watch your local aussie fag get burned one last time

4:16pm: Rintoul
You know I don't even know if your gon read this but let me just say if you are.

You insult me post after post while I was on holiday, and now because when I returned I defended myself against your constant slagging I'm "a bitching moron". get a clue bro, get a clue. And NOBODY insulted your family. I don't know where you've conjured that one up from.I think Luke is a cool dude, jus coz he beats you up doesn't mean I'm insulting him, as a matter of fact I'd praise him if I saw him

That is all

8:31am: Archers...
First up, I wanna give a big happy birthday to Natalie, the big 18, whoo hoo! Your party was good and I wanna say thanks for inviting me...

But on a less positive note, there was only ong slight thing that went wrong last night. The Archers. I am only posting it coz people refused to let me explain it last night.

I asked Jo for some archers, she said could have a little bit. I poured myself half a glass (I didn't know it was straight, thought it was the normal alcopop one) Amy who was watching said "Tim thats too much, pour some back" which I did no probs. I was left with maybe a quarter of a cup. I proceed to take one mouthful where Jo comes over harasing me for "drinking all her archers". I told her she said I could have a little bit and that's all it was, a little bit. She then insinuated that I was stupid saying "surely you could see there was hardly any left in the bottle when you drank it." Of course I saw there was hardly any left, but you DID say I could have a little, and if you had drank so much that there was only a tiny ammount left before I drank it, thats your problem not mine. I offered to her she can have my glass (even though it was only like 2 mouthfuls one of which I'd already had) n she was like no really moody and marched off to Amy. I walked over to explain the situation as I don't like people being pissed off at me for no reason, and I kept getting, "I don't wanna hear it, your making me mad tim." Well you know what makes ME mad. When people have a go at you and then don't have the decency to let you explain yourself. I wasn't arguing, I was being calm until she wouldn't let me defend the accusations being thrown at me then I started getting annoyed. Jo storms off and I was like, "you know I had hardly any of that drink" to Amy, and Amy was like "your like a 4 year old kid telling tales o a teacher" or some shit. Wtf. And both were giving me really patronising glares like I was drunk or some shit. I've spent the last year getting drunk, and I can safely say I know when I'm drunk or not. I was fine until the 2 Jd n cokes, n even then all I felt was a slight tipsyness so please don't insult me by playing the false "you were drunk card" god...If you wanted your drink saved you should have A. Not drank so damn much yourself. and B. Checked that you had more then a 'tiny bit left' before you offer a 'tiny bit' to someone...all this nonsense you created over 2 mouthfuls of archers...N people say I'm alcoholic..Sheesh

That is all...

2:13pm: Isle of wight
Well what a week. I've just come back from one of the most fun, if not the best, holidays I've ever had. It started on saturday night, when me, Kim, Carl, Kirby and 4 new people, Lisa, Sarah, Nick and Kerry went down Kirby's local pub for a drink, n I think it was the livliest that pubs ever been lol. On sunday we drove to yarmouth, caught the ferry and proceeded to Chine Farm camping grounds. This consisted of 3 fields on a cliff overlooking the sea. After much trouble we mannaged to set up the tents and go out for the evening in Newport, where we all had a meal in the hogshead. That night we all went back to the tents where we proceeded to drink and tell ghost stories, well try as people kept laughing through it all. Monday we all went to blackgang chine. We were told it was a 20 min walk, so whilst Kirby took Kerry and Sarah in the car the rest of us decided to walk it. It ended up being a one and a half hour trek up a huge hill with no footpath, but it was worth it when we got there. We all had a good time ging on the rides and exploring the stuff. when we got back to camp we all dressed up as pirates, and had a pirate themed beach party, which was highly entertaining. Tuesday we all travlled to sandown pier where despite the food being horrible and making Lisa sick, was thoroughly enjoyable, playing in the arcades and stuff. That night we had another beach party. Although I was a little spaced at the start, as I had alot on my mind, as the night wore on I ended up having a laugh. Me Kirby and Sarah returned to the tents early, (well earlier then the others, it was still quite late lol) but I heard the rest of them had a real good time singing and getting very drunk. wednesday consisted of packing up our stuff, and travelling back to Kirby's for the party, but not before a really bad takeaway meal served by a dumb chav, and getting attacked by seagulls lol. All in all the holiday was AMAZING! So many funny momments, the farmer, the wedding signs, the "I don't mean to alarm you" incident, the constant stream of "bless Kerry," Christine the ghost car and the number 13, Lisa and the grill...Each of these stories are hugely funny, and would take me too long to type them out on LJ. Kirby and Lisa also allowed me to drive there cars, well taught me how to reverse anyway which was a big laugh aswell. We have all been discussing how much we miss the Island already, and are in talks of going back for a weekend soon. It's weird, after spending so long in the company of my friends, it feels horrible to be back home, by myself. Ah well, I got my next holiday to look forward to so roll on the future.

3:32pm: Ahem
With my vow of not talking to you temporarily lifted for this lj entry due to necessity, let me just say, don't you dare act as unprofessional at work tomorrow as you did today. Even Lesley had the dumbfounded expression as to why you weren't getting Mike, and in the end had to do it herself. When at work, you leave your home shit at home and work PROFESSIONALLY, otherwise both our jobs are at stake, and be damned if I'ma let you ruin my life like you have yours. That is all

5:57pm: Who are you?
I'd like to say I hate you. But I don't. I feel nothing for you. I don't even know who you are. I've watched you transform from my hero, the person who I thought would always be there for me, who had respect for people, and himself, into the most selfish, arrrogant self obsessed person I know. You don't care, about what your friends think. You don't care what your family thinks, be that your mother who has bent over backwards for you, or your dad, who in the past you would have sacrificed it all for his respect. You most certainly don't care what I think. I'd like to feel sorry for you, but I don't. You were a man of ambition, dreams. Now, you are no more then a dropout bum, with no job, no qualifications bar some average gcse's, no ambition, no work drive and no self respect. A man who mum always said, had the best money sense out of us all, good old you, so sensible, now a financial wreck, trying to get himself out of huge debts, only to keep making it worse every month on the feeble excuse you come up with to justify it all, "it will be better next month, next month I can sort this debt." Next month never comes with you. The change is immesne, in the fact you are completly different to the man we thought we knew, everything has changed, and the sad thing is, within 2 short months, everything you've changed for will be gone. No more Suzanna's to cry on, no more Rosie's to make you feel better bout your wothless self, only me, mum and Gary. Who will you turn to then? You are a savage. Nothing more then a feral beast. But karmas a bitch, and soon you will reap the rewards of the work you've done. No friends will be left, no family will want you (mums already told me last arguement we had that your hanging onto your home here by a thread,) no job, no qualifications, and only huge financial debts to keep you company. I don't know you, not in the slightest, which is ironic, because now you are the very definition of my name, you are a Healy, a drop out, good for nothing feral Healy. Congratulations.

I suppose this also serves as a final goodbye. You are nothing to me. Don't speak to me. Don't acknowledge me. I don't exisit to you anymore and the feelings mutual, goodbye cameron.

11:24am: List 7 songs you are into right now.
No matter what the genre, whether they have words or even if they're are not any good but they must be songs you're really enjoying now.
Post these instructions in your LiveJournal along with your 7 songs.
Then tag 7 other people to see what they're listening to in absolute random order

1. Lost In Translation - Frontline
2. Porcelain - Tonedeff
3. Pervert - Tonedeff
4. Lets go Tonedeff
5. Buttons - Pussy Cat Dolls
6. Eyes On Me - Faye Wong
7. I'm back - Southern Cross

12:06pm: Too young!
I just went down to my bank (Lloyds Tsb) to ask for an overdraft, as I am finding my part time wage inadequate and going broke by my third week. She asked me did I work, and how much I earned, before saying in the most patronising tone, "Sorry, your too young being on an under 19's account, how about you get full time employment and when you've had that for a few months come back and we'll see if your ready to be moved to an adult account, where an overdraft is aplicable." God, every other fucking bank allows 18 yr olds to have overdrafts, hell my bank offered Jo T a fucking overdraft and 1. She's younger then me and 2. She doesn't even have an account with Llyods!!! I am an adult! I deserve for my bank to treat me like one, not like a child!!!

8:41pm: Need sleep....
What a past few days....As any avid reader of Kim's journal, you'd know what I did Friday. Saturday I worked 7-3, then went to Carl's BBQ. Good fun, only had 2 cans, n a glass of some out of date champagne, but didn't get drunk. Me Carl and Kirby went to sleep on the trampoline, lol fun. Unfortunatly after 3 hours it became too cold for me and Kirbs (not Carl, he was snug in betwen us), so we had to go in, where I spent the night on the conservatory floor. God I was so uncomfortable! I then had to work 9.30-5.30, and by the time I'd dragged myself through that shift it was time to go back to Carl's. We did...err...not alot lol, played Trivial Pursuit Junior n watched a lil bit of Shanghai Noon before retiring to bed, but not before seeing the "WKD Ginger advert" made by me and Carl. Well he made it, but the whole idea/catchphrase was something I had come up with the night before. Anyways, next day, after having too many pints down the pub (watching Aus) I ended up back at Kim's, where I proceeded to get rat assed, stumbling into Spoons, having them not wanting to serve me lol, and then strolled back to Kim's where I made a complete ass of myself doing some crazy roll dance, and woke up next to Carl in the morning wondering how I'd got there lol. Today, other then going to the bagueete shop, I have done zilch all, but am so completly shattered I may just die. On the plus, I'm on the verge of giving up alcohol. I made a random descison this morning that I'm tired of waking up hungover, regreting what I'd done the night before. No promises, but we'll see. Anyways, that's my weekend rounded up, so I'll be off to watch Spain now me thinks. Cheerio

6:41pm: I want to cry
No, literally. 10 secs to extra time and we conceed a losing penalty. WHY?!!!!! I hate our team so much right now...If we lost with dignity fine, but 10 secs to go? Fuck them. I feel liek breaking down, I know it's just footy but still...I had my hopes so high for them, and as selfish as it sounds. I want england to bomb out just so they can feel what I'm going through...I hate the Australian fotball team

1:28pm: Top 16
Australia are through.....Chea what! Bring on Italy

7:54am: I have THAT feeling, life and babies
Lol ^^ You ever get THAT feeling? Not any old feeling, THAT feeling. Where you just KNOW something is about to happen. Like last weeks game against Brazil, despite the chances we had, I just knew we weren't going to score. Well today I have that feeling. It's the dawn of the crucial Australia - Croatia game, and despite only needing a draw to go through, I have a gut feeling followed by a sinking realization that we aren't going to get it, we will lose and bomb out tonight, especially seeing if Japan wins against Brazil, we go to goal difference, and the Brazil page says they ain't even gonna play their normal starting players, seeing as they're safe regardless of top spot they're gonna try their subs, which gives Japan a good chance of beating them and going down the wire at us. Ahhh, c'mon Australia, make me proud!

Newayz, last night was good. Karaoke at club of life with Jo, Kai, Jane and Kim. I was pretty drunk, but then couldn't have been THAT drunk as I wasn't stumbling verywhere, and didn't wake up with a hangover. Very good night, except, what the fuck am I doing that keeps getting me shit from bouncers! They was like, Id which me and Kim did, then they turn to me after looking at my Id and goes "How old are you mate" with a stern look on his face. My ID says I'm fucking 18!!!!!!! Why ask me like it's fake, why am I always the only person to get ID'd at Danebury, when people who obviously look younger then me *cough* Palister etc *cough* get through no problem. Do I really look under 18? Newayz....

I'd like to end this on a big CONGRATULATIONS to Jepi and her new baby, Breanna Sarah. I hope everything goes well for them, and I know Jepi is going to make a great mum.

7:26am: I WON!!!!!!!!!!!!11
YES!!!!!!! For days and days on end I toiled away, hour upon hour, all efforts fruitless, cursing the day Natalie ever posted a link to that stupid bubbles game, but now, afterall my wasted efforts, I've won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is all

10:58am: The Champ
Well yesterday was amazing. Carl, Kim, Josh, Keeley and myself all took a trip in Carl's car down to poole, to a beach named Sandbanks/Studland. What a quality day. So many funny things happened. Whilst I was getting lunch with Carl, Kim and Keeley dug a big hole and put my towel over it. I came back, tried to sit on my towel and fell completly in lol. Also, we buried carl and josh together and then sculptured big breasted mermaids in the sand above them, they looked hilarious! We also played "Sand olympics" from which I was the overall champion!! I won beach football, beach sumo wrestling, beach sand dune jumping (you had to run and jump of a high sand dune and then roll to the bottom, the furtherst wins, no purposely rolling though, had to be natural) beach voley ball (we used garbage bins in a row as a net lol, but Kim was on my team so it was a team win), and came joint with Josh in 'collect the ball' (a game where we hit 3 tennis balls into the sea as far as we could and the contestant had to retrieve them all. Me and Josh played, but Carl chickened out in the end ("it's too cold, too deep, there might be sharks!") so we retrieved his balls and got his points for it). I performed miserably at the long jump (Carl won), average at the sprinting (I think Carl won that aswell) and seccond in the 'fill the bucket' competition, where the contestant ran up a big sand dune, collected sand from a certain spot in their hands, and had to run back and dump sand in a box til it's full.) I was winning, but Josh has such big hands that he mannaged to fill his whole box in just 3 trips. We then travelled to Bournemouth and got their about 6.00 pm. There beach was too touristy, and it was like right on the main shop street, so I felt watched the entire time I was there. They had a pier which was shit, (50p an entry and everything was shut!!!) aswell as some gay middle aged middle eastern taliban dudes doing ball throwing/push ups in nothing but a thong, urgh! We then went to some crappy Mcdonalds where they throughly fucked up EVERYONES orders (what it is about Mcdonalds that they can't seem to employ ONE english speaking person on till wherever you go?) Then we drove home. Overall, a quality day, and I despite getting sand everywhere, can't wait to go back. Bow to the champ :D

4:35pm: Yawn

You Are a Blueberry Margarita

Honestly, there's no one quite like you. And believe it or not, most people think that's a bad thing! You're open, wild, friendly, wacky, and tons of fun. You have a big personality... and a big heart.

9:32pm:

Your Deadly Sins

Envy: 100%

Pride: 80%

Wrath: 60%

Greed: 40%

Sloth: 40%

Lust: 20%

Gluttony: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 49%

You will die a boring death. While dying, you will be jealous of those who die dramatic deaths.

6:35pm: Alone
I can't stand it....Looking like a monster due to this rash on my face, ok that will all be gone in a few weeks. This itchyness, yeh it's bad, but it'll die down in a few days. What I can't stand is being totally alone in this house for days on end with no one to talk to. Camerons just got home, and within like an hour he's out to the pub with everybody. Fair play, I don't expect him to stay in, but just to have someone to talk to...Even when Gary gets home at 8 o clock we don't speak neways....sigh...

10:21am: Chicken Pox
Well I guess it was unavoidable...Living with an infected family member gives people who haven't had the disease a 90% chance of catching it, and I caught it:( I don't know how I'm sposed to stay trapped in this tiny house for 8-10 days, or how I'm gon look at myself in the mirror once this rash hits my face...I don't like it:(

10:34am: Ahhhh
I'm bored!!!!! Everybodies either working or have plans :( wahhh

5:08pm:

You Are 24% Addicted to Myspace

Your Myspace addiction factor is: Low You're a typical casual Myspace user... you know what it's all about, but you haven't been sucked in (yet)!

12:47pm: Oooo

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves. You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't? You want to be with someone who's a success. A person with the right job, right family, right clothes... In fights, you speak your mind and don't hold back. You know you're right, and you can get quite angry about it. You have a hard time ending relationships, even if the other person says it's over.